Slumdog the 13th

So, Slumdog. Saw it…loved it. I even stayed for the WHOLE Bollywood dance at the end. Yeah, this crazy bitch loved that shit! But…let me give you one reason why we should hold on to our men with Wolverine claws of steel.

Is it because, as the movie showed, a good man is hard to find? Is it because love conquers all? No. It’s because I would never, and I mean never, have the following conversation after experiencing an stellar Oscar winning movie as I had the misfortune of overhearing a young couple having as they were leaving the theater.

Girl: (gum chomp)I swear to God if we had gone to go see Friday the 13th and rented this on video I woulda been pissed.

Boy says: Uh, really? (Chuckle. Giggle. Snort.) Yeah, I suppose.

Ummm, what? You ACTUALLY had a conversation about whether to see Friday the 13th or SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE? Where in the hell did you two meet? A meat raffle? A Brett Michaels concert?! In line trying to sell your prized 8-tracks and cassette tapes at the neighborhood Cheapo to get some extra cash? The extra cash you knew you’d need to stand inside the lobby of your local AMC movie theater and have a debate on whether or not to see Friday the 13th or SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE? Who the fuck are you people? And chickie, why are you dating this man? Do your head editors hate you? Do they con you as you try to sleep at night into believing that your friends aren’t laughing at you, but are merely convulsing with jealousy every time you walk into the room because they too believe, as you do, he’s a hot loaf of stud muffin in his Green Bay zubaz? And he's yours. ALL yours? Please, pray tell, share the info with me toots sweet so that I can immediately warn all my girlfriends with daughters that if they see any signs of this kind of dumbfuckery in their offspring they will put everyone out of their misery sooner rather than later.

I wish I had gotten their names simply so I could post warnings on Craigslist, every personal section in America’s free-zines, E-Harmony and Match.com warning people that if by chance these two yahoo’s come up single…Do. Not. Date. Them. Especially if there is a movie involved. Friday the 13th? What the hell is wrong with people? Mama needs her elixir (of the cabernet varietal). Stupid people.