You GoGirl. Go Away.

So the other night, I was doing my usual 2am internet surf, when I saw it. “It” being the silliest goddamn shit I’ve ever seen in my life. The GoGirl.



Female Urination Device for Women” aka: a pee funnel. You know who makes this kind of shit, girl? The babies who were “accidently” dropped on their heads by a jealous, infertile aunt and grew up believing “making stupid shit” was the same as “being an entrepreneur.” And you know who buys it? The fucking same guilty aunts 30 years later.

Now seriously, this is a bladder infection away from a laws suit. Can you imagine the back splash?! It’s all cute and dandy that they made it pink, but trust me, when my hoo-hoo turns black from gangrene using this moron magnet product, you can be sure you’ll be hearing from my lawyer down at the Cochran law firm.

And what’s next, huh? Where do you go from here? How could you possibly expand your product-line? Wet Girl towelettes? B Girl Portable Butt Cleaner aka: turkey baster ?! These people need to be stopped!

GoGirl. Nope, not for this bisnatch. I'd rather have a hot mustard, jalepeno enema, thanks.

Promise me something. Now apparently I’m too mean to die. Or at least that’s what I’ve been told repeatedly by ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands, small(ish) children and complete strangers. But promise me that if something does happen, like I get a bad nip and tuck and kick the bucket, you’ll write the following in my obituary:

“Lady Crazy Pants. The wild-eye bitch had a mouth of a sailor and the class of a catholic school girl on spring break. But she never, and I mean never used a Go Girl.”